Who am I as a communicator?

This week assignments took me on an interesting journey. First I looked at myself as a communicator, then a colleague evaluated me and finally my mother evaluated me. What is very interesting is my colleague and I scored me in the same categories; where my mother scored me a little different. 

We all three scored my listening style in group one which is “people-oriented”. I really feel that I fit into this group and I know that the definition is accurate. I am very empathetic and concerned about others motions. I do agree with the other part of the definition about when it states that this could interfere with proper judgment because I tend to be very trusting. This is something that I have been learning about myself within the past year and a half since becoming a program supervisor. 

The second test was about my communication anxiety. This test my co-worker and I scored me in the moderate grouping and my mother scored me in the elevated grouping. This is one topic that I have struggled with most of my life. I was very shy growing up and never talked in public unless forced to. Since becoming a mother and a program supervisor for an Early Head Start program, I have had to learn to face my fear and speak in meetings and in public. I still get nervous and I am not as confident as I would like to be but it is something that I have been working on for many years. My mother knows how I feel about talking in public but she knows that I have learned to hide my true feelings so no one else knows how scared I am to speak in public. I think that is one reason why my coworker scored me in the moderate group because she thinks I do great speaking in public and in meetings but she has heard me talk about how I don’t like doing it. I think the moderate grouping really fits where I’m currently at with this, it stated that it is situational and I think it depends on the situation how nervous I get when I have to speak. 

The last test was about my verbal aggressiveness. Both my coworker and I scored me in the moderate grouping and my mother scored me in the low group. I think my mother scored me lower because she sees the good in me and she mainly sees me with my family. She knows that there are times I do fly off the handle and say things I should but most of the time I am respectful. My coworker and I put me in the moderate grouping and I have to say I feel that I am in that group. I try to maintain that balance of respect and consideration towards others. I try not to attack another’s character but there are times I do slip and say things that are not appropriate. 

This past week while I was at training again; I tried to work on all three of these topics. I spoke up more during the break-out sessions, I tried to be a more active listener and I worked on my verbal aggressiveness. One thing that I found out not only from the three coworker that were with me at this training but others that I met, they kept telling me that I appeared to know what I was saying and knew where I was going so they would follow me anyway. It was strange because I kept telling everyone I didn’t know where I was going and inside I was scared to death. I found out that I could feel confident about who I am and that I do know that I am doing, I just need to believe in myself more and stop second guessing myself.