Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

This week I am to discuss a disagreement or conflict that I have had recently and at least two strategies I have learned that might help me manage or resolve the conflict. I actually have two conflicts to share, one is personal and one is professional. 

My husband and I do not always see eye to eye on a lot of things especially when money is involved. Like most marriages, our arguments are normally centered around money. My husband does not have the restraint when it comes to money and he likes to call me the banker. The latest conflict was over a toll charge bill that came in the mail. He had received this bill because he didn’t pay a road toll a couple of months ago. He thought it was funny that instead of paying around $4 the bill was for $84. I on the other hand did not see the humor and was very upset. I took a deep breath because he was telling me the amounts over the phone since I was away at training. I told him that he needed to pay it before I arrived back home from training. He stated that he would take care of it. When I arrived back home, I saw it still sitting on the counter not paid. I started to get angry but I stopped and took a deep breath. I thought to myself I need to ask him why he didn’t pay it yet when he got home before I flew off the handle. When he arrived home that day, I greeted him and the children with hugs and kisses. I calmly asked him if he had paid that bill. I tried to stay as positive and upbeat as I could. He stated no but before I could say anything he stated that he had to call them because they didn’t take checks. He stated very calmly that he wanted to wait until Thursday since that was payday and then he would pay it over the phone. It was very calm in the house during this whole discussion. Normally when we talk about bills we get angry and tense. We never let each other finish sentences and we interrupt. This time things were different. We were both respectful and listened to each other. He apologized about even getting the bill in the first place and promised it would never happen again. I apologized that I was angry about it and I would try to let him explain things before I get angry. 

The strategies I used during this conflict was trying to stay positive, being respectful to the other person involved and listening to the other person.

The second conflict was with regards to work. This is an issue that has been one the whole agency has been working on for the past couple of months. This class really has reinforced what we have already started to put into place. The conflict where I work is a lack of communication between offices where people get upset and get very defensive. We have set up different strategies that we are all trying to implement. First we need to all understand everyone is busy and they all have their own jobs to complete. If we email someone and they do not email us back we need to call them to make sure they even received the email. We need to be respectful of others and understand that something might be very important to us but not as important to someone else, they have their own deadlines and projects. We need to openly listen and let the other person finish their thoughts before we start talking. We need to be respectful of other people’s ideas and thoughts. 

I actually was able to talk to my colleagues to see if the changes in the way we communicate have been helping. They all said that they can see improvements already. They did say that it does still get frustrating when their counterpart doesn’t get back to them right away. They stated that I have been very instrumental in the process because when they have come into my office to complain about the situation; I ask them if they email the other person, or called them. If they haven’t then I reminded them that they need to follow up that email with a call and a call with an email. The other office’s email and internet hasn’t been working all the time which means they haven’t been getting all the emails. My colleagues have told me that because I have tried to stay positive they can see the change in our office and the other office is improving as well.